mud

Don’t fucking touch me
or I’ll rip your throat out.

You and I don’t go together
so stop trying to pretend you

make me happy, don’t step
closer don’t look at me don’t

Don’t nod your head I don’t need
you to agree with me shut the Fuck

I don’t care if you’re not talking
you’re still too loud I want to

eject every memory of you from my
head and flush you down a toilet

but I’d still be stuck with this nasty
sticky you-shaped puddle of bile

in my gut, in my throat choking me
with my own vomit. The hairs

on my arms grow teeth and gnaw
at your fingers and I want you to

bleed out and fucking die just
stop pointing and fucking Die

nasty nasty feeling with eyes fixed
on the ground, on my shoes

keep walking keep silent keep keep
breathing the gray clouds of grout

I’m trapped in the pipes below a sink
grimy and you’re washing your hands

I just want to sleep just want to sleep
just want to sleep want to sleep want to sleep sleep want

Another World

Inhaled your smoke on the subway,
Your knees the summits formed
By the mountains of your sloping legs,
Which are slender but cold.
The ash on your fingernails
Dampens pink flesh.
I want to reach over and dust off
Your hands,
Fill them with warmth
That reaches into the core of your marrow
And leaves no vein untouched,
But your eyes are glazed over
The way I remember that clear gel dripping
Over clay before sticking it in a furnace.
Here we stall for time
Between one station and the next,
But in another world
We might be joking about
The advertisements along the top of the car,
How one of them is so striking
And another is so discursive,
Laughing at the faces each other makes
When one points out how
That potted plant looks flaccid
And the other realizes it’s a metaphor.
In another world
We might be living together
As students,
Where the holes in that gray sweater
Hanging loosely around your legs
Are at worst an accident
And at best a memory.
We might have sung together
The joys of being alive
In a tiny apartment far uptown.
I would have played the piano,
And you perhaps a violin
That you love so much to hear,
Curving your lips into a smile
I cannot discern from your face.
I glance at the curls of your dark brown hair,
Imagining how it sways in the wind
As you step off the subway
And disappear around the corner.
All that lingers in the air is the smell of smoke
From the burnt residue
Of another world.